Stuck in a mid-career crisis?
by Anand Ganesh Kartikeyan
A year or so ago, a good friend of mine bought a luxury car. He took us for a joy ride round the office block and he seemed really excited. We were all happy for him but a little surprised as he was not prone to purchasing expensive things and that too on impulse. When I asked him, what drove him (pun unintended) to this decision he remarked casually, ‘Man, I am having a mid-career crisis and I desperately need something to take my mind off it.’
Flashback to when we all started our careers. We were eager, energetic, motivated and raring to go. I recall as a young adult that I was in awe of the corporate world, its success mantras, the hallowed halls leading up to the corner office, the formal dress code and even the jargons. I was brimming with both aspiration and ambition. Everything seemed new and fresh and the steep learning curve experience left me with a feeling of exhilaration. I was captivated by the corporate executives who seemed to go about their business purposefully, communicating articulately, making their presence felt and getting things done. The predominant emotion I felt was that I had arrived at last. Many of us can relate to such an experience in the infancy of our careers.
But over the years, something happens, something changes.
On the plus side we taste success and its positive side effects. We grow in confidence, our perspectives widen, we develop new skills and we are able to create tangible business impact. We become role models for youngsters. It is during this time that our self-identity gets strongly entrenched in and linked to what we are doing. Interestingly, as this self-identity develops it begins to shape our social identity as well — we introduce ourselves by the work that we do, our social circle defines who we are and so on and so forth. It is as if an invisible bubble has formed around us — but this bubble cannot be pierced easily because it has assumed a role to protect us.
This success paradigm may represent an incomplete picture and one cannot evaluate this without examining the residues it leaves behind for some.
Some of us experience boredom, listlessness, lethargy and lack of motivation. I have often discovered that boredom in a job can break you — it can deal a lethal blow, just as much as other conventional stress triggers. We feel that we are living only for and during the weekends. The rest of the week seems like a mindless routine and it becomes increasingly difficult to tackle the Monday morning blues. We prod ourselves and carry on. Till we feel exhausted and feel the frustration levels increase gradually. One of my friends aptly described this listless state as being ‘comfortably numb’.
In the workplace, we may find that we are no longer impressed by what leaders are saying. We hear the elegant words but at times it seems insincere, inconsistent and manipulative at its worst. What we were easily impressed by when we were juniors no longer even attracts our attention. We want more — meaning, values, authenticity, inspiration and most importantly leading by example not lip-service.
We feel stuck.
Leaving is not an option. We have responsibilities and financial commitments. Exit comes at a high price. We try to distract ourselves. Some of us may constantly look at our bank accounts and investments (as a way of reassuring ourselves that it is all worth it), make excel sheets with financial goals and give ourselves financial milestones to reach. Social comparison increases. Conversations at dinner parties may tend to overly focus on our asset ownership and lifestyle choices (for those who can afford it). Some plan and invest in exotic holidays and luxury goods and this may become a compulsion. Still, others suddenly start emphasising and articulating the importance of work-life balance, take to running marathons and establish other goals around health and fitness. Of course, these activities can be pursued in the normal course of life, but some people embrace these in the hope that the ennui will diminish somehow.
Very soon it starts eating into other aspects of our life. Our mood, attitudes and opinions begin to reflect this stark reality while taking a toll on relationships. The number of bad days at work increase and each time we have one, we end up turning it into an event — ruminating on the very meaning of life, work and other macro indicators. A good day happens soon after and there is a temporary reprieve. But we feel stressed and close to burning out.
We can sense that something is amiss but we are afraid to go down this road further. The answers that may be revealed on this road may be scary and the choices presented may add to the complexity of our lives. We weigh the certainty of the present world against this potentially uncertain world. Certainty triumphs. Then the bad day resurfaces again and we are back to square one.
After a certain threshold, we cannot take it anymore. We realise that we are experiencing some form of a mid-career crisis. But we wonder what we can do about it.
While there are useful short-term measures like recharge, take a break, take up a hobby etc, a more sustainable strategy is to re-examine our life at this point. The circumstances surrounding us are a signal to sit up and take notice. It could be that we are in the wrong organization, it could be that we are in the right organization but a wrong role. It could also be that we are in a wrong career altogether where we are unable to use our potential and strengths on a day-to day basis. Unfortunately, there are no easy answers to resolving this.
Before we embark on some life changing mission, it is critical to take some time off for a bit of soul-searching. It is possible that we may have lost touch with parts of ourselves that we identified and valued a long time ago. These parts while appearing mute are finding an indirect way to tell us that something is wrong and they need to be acknowledged. We may need to deep-dive and invest in self-reflection around our goals, values, strengths, personality, interests, passions and purpose. Key questions like ‘What really makes me happy?’, ‘What would I do if money was not a criterion?’, ‘What am I great at?’, ‘What is most important for me?’ can nudge us in the right direction. There are many qualified professionals who can help in this journey. This continuous self-work is an essential precondition to emerging out of this crisis.
Even if we are in the right career, right role and right organization this self-work is useful. It is quite possible that we have come face-to-face with new expectations and metrics that are challenging us. When we were junior there was a great value to efficiency, diligence, timely output and conscientiousness. As we go up the ladder the variables become increasingly complex and our sincerity and hard work seem insufficient to deliver the goods. At a higher level it is more about seemingly intangible and ambiguous factors (influencing stakeholders, leading difficult teams, complex problem solving, managing amidst chaos and uncertainty etc) and dynamic adjustments. The self-work journey can help address these critical skill and competency gaps and help us move forward.
It is quite normal to be facing a mid-career crisis. In my own life I have had to take some difficult decisions as a result of new awareness emerging from personal development journeys. It is not speedy, it is not easy and neither is it black and white. The good news is that the fog does clear after some time. We start seeing the multiple pieces clearly, pick them up one at a time and start to put them together again. A new, reinvented self may emerge out of this. Our worries and anxieties remain (in some form or manner) but this time you have that feeling — you know that you are moving forward and in the direction of your choosing.
At some point in this process, the journey itself becomes the reward, you are not waiting for weekends anymore and you are not living in perpetual hope of a better future.
You have arrived once again.
Anand Ganesh Kartikeyan is an executive coach and management consultant. He is the co-founder of Bowstring Consulting LLP.
Originally published at https://www.linkedin.com.
Photo by Daniel Mingook Kim on Unsplash
